People want the best and nothing but the best. In Jean Twinge’s essay, “An Army of One: Me,” it focuses on the self-esteem that people have and how it Is related to the happiness In which people want to feel. Having high self-esteem will contribute to being more confident, which will lead to an Individual taking on their goals head on. Also. Tooth Leslie Bell’s, “Selections from Hard to Get: Twenty- Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom,” and Daniel Gilbert’s, Immune to Reality,” offer insight on the matter of pursuit of happiness. Each individual has their own way of knowing when they are happy and only they will know when the feeling is reached. When self-esteem is dependent on competence, individuals invest a great deal of effort in their accomplishments and success in order to validate themselves, which leads to the state of feeling happy.
In order to have a high self-esteem and be happy, people need to establish what self is. Everyone has self-esteem according to Twinge. Since childhood, people are told to “Just be themselves,” so that others can accept us for who we really are. Even though being true to oneself personality wise, people act differently, depending on the situation at hand. One does not usually act the same way In school as they do In a home setting. One does not talk the same way too friend as they do too teacher. It is all dependent on what the situation calls for.
Twinge says that when wanting to know how to act in a social situation, one should “just be themselves” (Twinge 491). With this being said, a person with high self-esteem will have the confidence to be themselves because they value who they are, while a person with low self-esteem will mind it hard to be themselves because they will think that people will not like them for who they are. Therefore, a front is put up and people act differently when interacting with other people. Bell would agree that it is best to be oneself and make personal choices.
She would argue for people to go after what they want in the manner of feeling happy. It Is best to be oneself because when people accept a person for who they are, It will help to boost the person’s self-esteem level will make them happier. In relation to Gilbert, the whole “choices” Idea” comes Into play here. Choices, In lethality, make life more difficult as a person has their lives in their own hands. When given a choice, people tend to make the wrong decision. Truth be told that “the more is better” theory is actually not completely true. Too many options can actually be a hindrance in one’s life.
In relation, too much self-esteem can lead to one’s downfall as well. People with too much self-esteem think that they are better than everyone else. Though this is a generation of “Me,” it is not good to think that a person is higher than others. A person’s ability to make a good decision is hindered when multiple choices are in front of them. Oftentimes, people end up not making a decision or are unhappy with the outcome. Gilbert writes, “When the experience we are having Is not the experience we want to be having, our first reaction Is to go out and have a different one,” (Gilbert 138).
For example, If someone were to purchase an article of clothing and they did not Like It, then It will be returned for something that is fitting to their standards. This relates to the way that a person thinks cosmologically? “Campanological Immune system. ” when people ay not Like something, there is no hesitation to search for what makes them happy. However, Gilbert says that choice makes people unhappy. Twinge would argue that a person’s self-esteem acts in the same manner. If someone’s self-esteem were to be shot down, then their reaction would be to find a way to pick it up again.
Happiness is indeed linked to self-esteem and when a person is happy, it is likely that their self- esteem and self-fulfillment is high. On the other hand, Bell says that people are happier when they are given a choice. Bell’s profession as a psychoanalyst is to study women, her patients, and their decision to be sexually exploration. Women should have high self-esteem to make the choice to do whatever they please. If they want a relationship early at twenty-something, then go right ahead. If they want to first find a career path and earn an education, then that is acceptable as well.
Bell mentions, “These contradictory directives leave young women in a bind, and without much help figuring out what they actually want,” (Bell 27). Societal notions tell women to follow a certain path. This contradicts what Gilbert’s essay is about. What do people actually want? No one really knows what they want. This is why when given the option to aka choices, people can explore until they reach a level of competency. While Bell says that it is acceptable to make personal choices, Gilbert is saying that doing this will lead to an unhappy life. People want different things.
Self-esteem, choice, and happiness are all correlated in the manner that one needs high self-esteem to make good choices, which will lead to overall happiness. If a woman has high self-esteem, then she would not care about what others would think of her if she decided to not get involved in a relationship early, but rather receive an education and fall into a DOD paying career. Twinge’s essay relates to this because she says that it is acceptable to be selfish in today’s society, thus she would believe that women should have the right to make decisions in their personal lives that will make them happy (Twinge 491-492).
Happy can only be derived and achieved if a person makes their own decisions that will lead to such a state. Everyone would agree that they want high self-esteem and want to be happy. When people are given too much freedom to roam and do what they want, they eventually run into a brick wall and become unhappy. A person has to be consistent with himself/herself. If not consistent and one were to present themselves differently in various situations, then no one will know the for real in actuality. A person would only know them for what they see and how they act, not knowing that they are not acting as who they are deep down inside?unhappy.
When people do become unhappy, they console themselves by coming with up an explanation that will make them feel better and happier. Gilbert writes, “When experiences are unpleasant, we quickly move to explain them in ways that make us feel better,” (Gilbert 140). Everyone wants to feel good about themselves; no one wants to an unhappy camper. Twinge would agree with this idea. If someone were unhappy with themselves, then they should go out and do what is best for them because of the idea of focusing on “me. No one else knows what makes one happy more than the person themselves. For example, if someone were to apply to a college and later received a letter/email saying that they did not get in, they would be unhappy. Sure teen a a not get In, out ten average monopole student would want to Know winy teen a not get into the college of their dreams. Therefore, they make themselves feel better by telling themselves that they really did not want to go there or that if they were accepted, they would go somewhere else.
When in reality, this shadows their true emotions of being unhappy. Surely, everyone acts differently with friends than they do with family. It depends on their self-esteem and who they are comfortable with. Twinge focuses her findings on the fact that people need to put themselves before others in order to fill the void of being unhappy. When it comes to relationships, Twinge would feel that it is important to focus on oneself before going onto a serious relationship where the focus is split between a person and their partner.
The idea of self-focus may indeed sound a little selfish, but it needs to be fulfilled in order for someone to be happy with themselves?”Me,” (Twinge 492). Bell would agree with the idea that a person should focus on themselves before going into a serious relationship. Bell’s focus on women and their sexual exploration argues that women should be able to do what they please and what makes them happy, without what people may think of them weighing on their mind.
Worrying about the opinions of others will Just alter a person’s self-esteem. Twinge says that a person’s self-esteem is there no matter what; in times of success and times of failure. This does not mean that if people fail, they will have a low self-esteem. It means that people will always come face to face with problems that will affect their self-esteem, but it is up to them to have the focus on themselves to know what they need to do to make them happy.
With regards to relationships, people may feel that it necessary to focus on themselves to achieve a state of happiness. If people do not accomplish what they intend to, then it can be said that a form of defense regarding self-esteem s established. In relation to Bell’s “splitting” and Gilbert’s “Psychological Immune System,” people will unknowingly create a form of defense regarding self-esteem, not necessarily wanting to be the actual best, but because they want to feel the best.
As long as people feel the best, then they feel a sense of accomplishment. People do not need to be the best to feel happy; they Just need to feel that they have done something successful. Ultimately, self-esteem is constituted by an individual themselves and is dependent on how they feel. There is no doubt that happiness can be achieved if omen were to have high self-esteem because they are comfortable in their own skin.
They are not afraid to own who they are and essentially not afraid to “Just be yourself,” no matter the situation. The ore consistent and comfortable an individual is with themselves, the more likely they are to have a higher self-esteem and be happier in the long run. Everyone has experienced a situation where their own personal self-esteem was lowered by others. One cannot let the opinions of others affect how happy they are. Be happy with yourself and have the high self-esteem that will to accomplishment and success.